So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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