youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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