nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
