I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
