I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
