Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
