Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
