Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
