Rock
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Fuck
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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