i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
