Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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