Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
