at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
