i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
two words...techno handjob
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
