Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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