apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
