She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
