I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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