What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
