apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
