I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
