i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
