i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
