a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize