i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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