I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
