I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
