if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
