someone owes me an orgasm
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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