She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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