I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
