i just wanna soil my oats bro
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
