The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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