craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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