i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
