Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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