69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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