I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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