im drinking this country out of the recession.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
