I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
