speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
