You just made me feel so damn special
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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