Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
