dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
