no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
