i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
