just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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