hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
