I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
