Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
