ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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