I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
