Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
