"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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