Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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