Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
