I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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