i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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