Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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