Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
