I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
