I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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