Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
what day is it and did you see me today?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize