Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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