i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
