He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize