dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
