I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
