I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
