I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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