I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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