Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
