just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
