Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
