I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
