I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize