then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
